Yoga Night

There is much written about women and the relationships that women share. Before I even begin this post, I would like to say, this is not a judgement of men and their friendships or men and their relationships with women. I am not a man.... I would not know what the bond between men means to them. And relationships between men and women are without saying, the subject of most of the world's literature and songs. But they are not what this post is all about. This post is about women and their friends, their mothers, their daughters.

Women sustain each other. I know we have a reputation for being catty, gossipy, even cruel. And for some women, sometimes, it is true. But the greater truth is that we enrich each others' lives. It is Wednesday - yoga night - and so I tend to be a bit more philosophical... but I also tend to have come home from time with a circle of women. Biologically speaking, women are the nurturers. Not always true, of course, but true for most. We are emotional. Empathetic. But also thinkers and dreamers and doers. We provide a safe place for one another to discuss just about anything - concern or desire - without judgement. We gather strength from each other with support and understanding and common ground. It does not matter if we are best friends or new acquaintances. We get it. We support each other. We laugh and cry and laugh again in the same conversation. We leave each other feeling uplifted and understood.

I have a small daughter, Sometimes I feel I am too tough on her. Tough on her in the way that is called "mother love" in Chinese. Tough on her because she will need to be strong - someday she will be the keeper of her family. But underneath she will be loving and kind and generous and empathetic. She will need to instinctively anticipate the needs of others. She will need to find a way to fulfill her own dreams too. There is a Chinese proverb that states women hold up half the sky. And of course, it is true. I have lead a privileged life. I have been cherished and loved and educated and encouraged. The books I have been reading lately detail the lives of women far less fortunate - those in Afghanistan, China, Pakistan, India, Viet Nam - places were women are often undervalued or abused and exploited. Their stories are filled with terror unimaginable to most Western women. And yet what strikes me is their need to reach out to other women. No matter what their circumstance, no matter how sad their tale, they reach out to other women.

So to my mother, my daughter, my mother-in-law, my best friend, my old friend, my former boss, and the woman I met yesterday in the grocery store... thank you. We need each other. We hold each other up. We tell each other that an idea is great, that our kids will be okay that we did that crazy thing once too. We raise money for schools and Haiti and soccer clubs. We buy each others' breads and cookies and chocolates and quilts. We drink tea and coffee and wine. We walk. We do yoga. We laugh. We cry. We notice each other's hair. We may not remember each other's birthdays, but we remember the anniversary of a parent's death. We see the artist, the the creator, the humanitarian in each other. We hear the thing that isn't quite right in each others' voices. We look at each other's wedding albums and sigh and exclaim like the pictures were from yesterday. We wait in front of the school in all kinds of weather. We talk about the origin of the food we eat, the careers we have, the education our kids are getting, the state of the economy, the health of a family member, the lump we found, the thing we discovered under the seat of our car. And we understand that it is all relevant. We listen and tell each other that something is great. That something will be okay. That we will see each other through and laugh on the other side. No - we will find the humor all the way through.

And late at night, from far away, we will have girls' night with our oldest friend... over email... because it is all we can do... but the laugher will still be loud and the feeling will still be the same.